Can we please just talk about the weather? (Conversations Collection)

“You know, back in my day weddings were for the family. It was a lot less …. well… less.”

“In all fairness, back in your day no one you knew could afford this type of wedding.”

“Still, this is too much. I can’t even eat the food here. You know what I always say – I only eat food whose name I can spell. “

“Yes yes. You always say that and it has never made sense. I’ve seen you eating aubergines and you pronounce that name awe-be-guy-n.”

“If there’s a word for it in our language then it qualifies.”

“I see.”

“Anyway, when are you getting married? People your age have three kids by now.”

“You always ask me that at weddings! You realize you haven’t even asked me how I am and this is the first time I’ve seen you since Karen’s wedding right?

“Stop dodging the question.”

“People my age having three kids doesn’t mean they are happily married. Also, I’m not dodging it. I’m only highlighting that that question comes up a lot with you.”

“Well, I’d stop asking it if you got married.”

“It’s not like I can very well ask myself to get married – he has to propose.”

“Why are you leaving it in his hands? There are things you can do to make sure he proposes.”

“Educate me.”

“What do you mean educate you? Right now, are we not at the wedding of your cousin who is 14 years your junior because she had the good sense to  get pregnant?”

“Somehow I doubt that is the entirety of their love story. They look like they are genuinely happy to be doing this.”

“Of course they look like that, they have to. Would you believe it’s a shotgun wedding only if you had seen her father walking behind him with a literal shotgun?”

“You know people can hear us right?.”

“What do I care about that? I’m old and probably dying soon – people probably already think I’m senile anyway. Do you want me to die without seeing you get married?” 

“If my getting married is what is keeping you from dying then I hope you have savings because you are probably going to live forever. I’m going to get a drink – do you want me to get you anything?”

“Again with the dodging! Just answer my question. If your answer makes sense to me I’ll leave you alone about it for good.”

“Is this a promise?”

“Yes. It is.”

“Well then, let me answer your question with a similar question.”

“Ask away.”

“When are you dying? People your age have been dead 14 years already.”

“Bring me a glass of wine on your way back.”

Photo by Samantha Gades on Unsplash